well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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