Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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