I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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