Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
