Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
