Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize