Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
