you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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