She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
