soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
