Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
