Need sex. Gaining weight.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
