Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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