Your mouth is God's brothel.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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