I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
