My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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