$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
