Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I got inside last night via doggy door
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
