Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
