Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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