i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
