Only a mothe r could love this liver
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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