Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
