You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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