If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize