I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
