How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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