was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
