I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
It's just like the Real World with babies
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
