It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
