Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
farters have to be the big spoon...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
