Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
