Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
he fucked my hip out of place.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
