So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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