Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
NoShamevember. You game?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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