Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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