the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
