Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Randomize
