can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
