I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
