If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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