What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
home. puking in laundry basket.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
