do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize