Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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