if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
