he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
My day in three words: secret purse cake
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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