Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
