he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Everclear isn't food dammit
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
