shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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