are you still at the devil's house?
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
