I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
too bad you live with your parents still
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
