Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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