i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
