Duck Duck Cougar?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize