I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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