you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
