In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
