You made me cry and you don't even care
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
