marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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