Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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