he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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