she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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