I murdered the dance floor call the cops
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
