wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize