I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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