Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
