I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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