He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
