I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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