Too much gin, very little bucket
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It was like giving head to a cactus.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize