Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
