he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
