I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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