whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
