I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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