Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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