i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
