Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
