hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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