Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
