Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
