LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
