If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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